A Little Heaven In Hell, The Welcome In His Farewell

had he not stopped aging
had he not put an abrupt full stop to his story,
then instead of being buried,
he'd have bloomed.
but now I'm alone in this
as all of me will age
as I bid farewell to what left forever;
firm faith in uniformity, encapsulated empathy
as I welcome what birthed within me;
a deadly bewilderment,
a terrifying confusion, distasteful bitterness
it's an emptiness I don't know how escape
it's a raging storm I wasn't taught to calm down
it's a state of denial, a tale of apathy
it's like tasting something for the first time
it's like saying the last goodbyes

it's an indifference, so intoxicating
it's the pain that's poisonous
it can fill rivers,
move mountains and shake souls
it leaves you in the kind of restlessness
where you shut your eyes close,
burst into tears and break down
it puts you in the stillness
where you stare at the wall blankly for hours
without moving a muscle,
you forget to exist.
the ultimate paradox
of pain and patience
having me seem paralyzed
it resembles what death probably does to the dead.
death.
death.
there's nothing more certain
than death, is there?
and yet nobody ever sees it coming.
nobody knows to behave,
how to digest, how to accept
it's like one of those little lies
that your heart tells,
the grave truth
that your brain refuses to admit

I try to run my search
for the right words to express
I keep finding vivid simile,
appropriate metaphor to deploy
the verses that could embody
the tragic euphoria a departure can leave me with,
the stanzas that bestow the emotions
an arrival could fabricate within me
it's like finding the lost puzzle piece,
or turning a blind eye
to what's just around the corner.

Comments

  1. - if instead of being buried, he'd have bloomed.
    - it's a raging storm I wasn't taught to calm down.
    - blankly staring at the wall, that you forget to exist.
    - it's like one of those little lies your heart tells,
    the grave truth your brain refuses to admit.

    love all your insights and thoughts. Deep and resounding.
    Beautiful writing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dreaming Wanderer, thanks a ton for your thorough and kind feedback. It keeps me going

    ReplyDelete

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